> witnesSing a faiLed reLationship

 I just witnessed another failed relationship. I really feel bad because they’re both my friends and I haven’t been able to save it. I have always been their confidant and a friend to lean on but this time all my attempts to save them failed.

I have been there when it all started [Galera ’08] and how it ended yesterday. I know how it feels and how it’s affecting them. I’ve been into one just recently and they have witnessed how I really suffered and how I stood up almost immediately.

I believe nobody enters into a relationship expecting it to fail. At the onset of a budding romance, you expect your feelings of love and happiness to continue to flourish as you learn more about each other, and eventually, the hope for a wonderful future together will develop.

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Sometimes the opposite occurs. What seems like a rosy relationship on the surface can be festering with decay beneath. This may be a harsh assessment, but it is in fact the reality of many failed relationships. It could be something as simple as incompatibility, or past issues that interfere in our ability to have a healthy relationship. Or it could be something significantly worse, such as constant lying, or some form of abuse. Regardless of the cause, it is truly a shame when what started as something bright and promising ends with shattered hearts and broken minds.

As you sit nursing your wounds after the downfall of such a relationship, you will undoubtedly hear the catch-phrase from many friends and acquaintances that “time heals all wounds”. While this may be true, one thing we are painfully aware of right at that moment is that the wound is most definitely not yet healed, and such torment can affect our daily lives.

I’ve had my share of such failures but they made me more mature now. I can easily get over these failures and charge them to experience. I may not be a pro to giving advices but I hope I can still contribute something to at least help.

Getting over a failed relationship is sometimes a state of mind, as much as it is waiting patiently for your feelings of hurt to diminish. There are two important factors to consider after any parting. One, if you managed to find happiness in your relationship, whether for a week or for years, then take comfort and satisfaction in that fact, because there are many in this world who will sadly never experience that happiness. Two, if you were not happy, then again take comfort that the relationship is indeed over, for why should you participate any further in a relationship in which you do not derive any happiness from?

Do not consider it time wasted, that is a big mistake. There is a theory that each relationship you enter into in your life will help prepare you better for the next one, until you find the right one, your match. But this theory will only benefit you if you can take the time to objectively view your past relationships and see what went wrong, and learn from it.

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Try to examine why the relationship failed. This is not about placing blame, either on your ex or yourself. If you feel that the failure is due to the actions of your ex, then you might want to consider finding someone who does not exhibit the same personality or behavioral qualities. If you believe that you were responsible for the termination of the relationship, then see what you can change about yourself so that there will not be a reoccurrence in your next relationship.

NEXT! I know it may sound like a stupid idea but it really works. That is the key word; NEXT. There will always be a next relationship, if you keep your mind open and your heart available. Many of us have a tendency to shut ourselves off emotionally after a failed relationship, vowing never to let anyone close to us again. While this may provide you with a sense of security, it will severely inhibit you from reaching any long-term happiness, and will most likely result in a continuance of failures. No one expects you to immediately hand over your heart to a new potential lover, but at some point, as the relationship continues to grow, you must tear down any walls you have built in order for any future growth to occur. Fear of being hurt again is a realistic and common trait, but you must not let that stand in your way of what could be a wonderful adventure. It is okay to be afraid, just so long as you don’t let it control your actions.

In essence, you must come to realize that you cannot avoid emotional pain. It is a fact of life, and a necessary one, for it teaches what is important and what is not, and each relationship is an important learning experience. You can look at your former partners and see what it is you liked most about them, and what you liked the least, and therefore be better prepared with an idea of what you are looking for in a potential future partner. For example, you may have found that good conversation is especially important, and possession of a fashionable wardrobe not so important.

Time will heal your wounds, but you must remember that the end of any relationship is not a time for mourning [or for celebration, as the case may be]. Rather it is a time for growing and learning. If you can do that, then you are one step closer to achieving true love and happiness, possibly with your next partner.  Good luck!

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1 Comment

  1. OMG im so missing this guy!


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