> can’T we just Text it ouT?

I remember the first cell phone commercial that promoted the idea of texting. I had the same reaction to that commercial that I had to the Apple ad before promoting personal computers to be used at home. That idea will never fly.
Good thing no one consults me for the technological future.
To me, texting equalled a retreat into darkness. Telephones made people not present, present, through the ease of talking, voice, intonation and all that stuff that makes it feel like you have the person right with you. The only thing missing were visuals, which the Jetsons and Bell telephone assured us were just around the corner.
So what happened to the video phone?
It tumbled into outer “failed idea” darkness and instead, text messaging crawled from the murky depths… the next link in technological evolution.
But the middle aged among us all ask: why would someone go to the trouble of typing on tiny keys [with inscrutable letters], navigating the triple alphabet per button to convey what could be expressed in ten seconds directly, without waiting for a reply?
Apparently the answer to that question is: safe distance.
A Sunday Service at Makati Baptist Church before, tackled that this generation of freshmen is less confrontational than any they can remember. These kids avoid conflict and refuse to express what they need/want in person, directly, eye-to-eye. They’ve been raised in an era of diversity and tolerance and know that people with character ought not to judge. They know this not as a Sunday school lesson, but as the essential social rule that they must obey, or at least appear to obey.
Instant Messaging [first] and texting after it led to a way to communicate hard things: gossip, insults, praise, flirting, I love you, racism, homophobia, want to go out? and more. You could appear to be courteous, friendly, “not interested” and tolerant in person, but unleash that other side of self through typing. Somehow the dark side of each person’s soul had an outlet… an accepted one that didn’t tarnish your public reputation.
Addtionally, flirting became a much lower risk endeavor. Saving face, much easier.
Texting also led to communicating with lots of people at once. No more were you forced to keep going with one person on the other end of the phone, enduring the awkward silence, deciphering what that long pause meant. If the IM conversation with one person peetered out, you had four more cooking along to replace it. If the texter suddenly had to climb into that orthodontist’s chair, three more conversations were still demanding your attention.
I still remember two disgruntled dorm mates who sat directly across from each other in the same room texting angry messages over roommate problems until the landlady shouted: Stop! and required them to put down their phones and learn how to communicate what was bugging them in words, eye-to-eye. That’s where it’s gone. No one wants to appear angry in person. So they resort to texting instead. JB, my ex is really very good in texting and fights me like a soldier using his cellphone but cannot do so infront of my face. Unfortunately, I’m not the texter type.
I do respect that people at times plunge into texting like in a marathon. What I don’t get is when people tend to send you all the quotes, group texts, watevas all at a time or every now and then. My cousin Grace texts me everyday in dozens! Forwarded messages of quotations, simple rants, simple expressions like sighs, boredoms, *he he he, hellos and all craps. I love the idea that she remembers me but she was doing that without considering if I might be sleeping or specially if I’m at work. I kept it to myself, just trying to understand her incessant texting but one day, I just exploded. I advised her not to include me na lang on her group texts muna kse bawal sa office or minsan natutulog ako. Nagalit siya. See? I don’t turn off my phone because I don’t wanna miss important messages or maybe if there’s an emergency. Pero, yong tadtarin ka ng mga messages na di naman talaga sila gumawa at not really meant to converse? Come on.
Siguro wala kang magawa, bored, o mahilig lang talaga magtext pero hello! ako nagtatrabaho sa gabi, tulog sa araw… And you’re texting like that? Consideration naman. Magigising ako pag natutulog or magtatago sa table kapag just to check my message pero ang laman eh “may 2 lalake, ilan ang paa?” *Grrrr… or “ei! who’s awake? lolz, im outta here..” *Duh!
In our house, the only place you have “Globe” signal is outside or at our window, so imagine how many cellphones sit by the window. Tapos tutunog cellphone mo, babangon ka sa pagkakahiga, pag-check mo joke pala galing kay Mami Chu, after few minutes, toot toot, bangon ka ulit, “happy fekfek day” okay…, toot toot ulit, “Anak: tay, bakit po naririnig ko umuungol kagabi si Inday? Tatay: kase anak, kinain ko siya… oh my siguro binangungot na kase di na alam kung natutulog pa siya or gising sa dami ng texts na puro jokes lang pala or forwarded *he he he. I love Mami Chu and I do appreciate the fact that when I asked her na tanggalin ako sa group messages eh naintinduhan niya. Pero yong pinsan ko? Well, may newborn baby siya at siguro nga bored diba? Haaayyyy….
Sana lang kasabay ng pagpindot sa keypads yong bilis ng ikot ng utak para naiintindihan naman nila kalagayan ng ibang tao no?

There are rules in texting. When I asked a friend to call me and closed with a period, she thought I was angry. I thought I was using proper punctuation. According to Johannah, periods mean you’re bugged. Jb is also guilty on this. He doesn’t know how punctuations are used.
A greeting without an exclamation point means that you’re in a blue mood. All caps mean you’re shouting.
Typing with misspellings has fallen into disrepute among upperclassmen in high school and college students. Abbreviations like “u r” and “LOL” are shunned because they’re so junior high. These “near adults” pride themselves on spelling properly [and all the English teachers cheered!].
College kids will not answer their phones even when they hear them ring and have nothing else to do, but will text you back in the middle of class, a date, during a movie or while driving[!].
And those camera phones! DJ sends me photos when she shops for clothes to get my advice. Luke sends me photos of things that make him laugh. I send photos of the kids to Luke because he lives away.
I’m about the laziest text-er to ever inhabit a modern society. But I’m committed. The best thing about texting that I can see is that it’s instant and brief. If I need that moment-by-moment touch but haven’t got time for a long conversation, texting fills the bill.
Texting and camera phones. If you invested way back then, I’ll bet you’re rich. Next time you need technological foresight, ask me what I think, and do the opposite.

> wHo neeDs chaOs?

“You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.” ~Nietzsche

If that be the case, I have given birth to an entire universe of dancing stars. My life seems to be defined by chaos. But I have come to realize that I would not want it any other way. And perhaps chaos is not the right word to use, because it has such a negative connotation. It is really just change. Perpetual motion.
I say all these just to excuse the fact that I have not been posting as often as I would like [plus the fact that our Globe broadband has been in chaos for almost 2 weeks now] and I expect that will be the case for the next month or so. You see…
1) I’m starting to get used to my new campaign – Superpages.com;
2) I have a good feeling that I’ll meet someone today or maybe the next’s;
3) I started learning again the art of Photoshop and have committed myself to immersing myself in the experience as much as possible;
4) I have to research and write a humongous paper for a friend and because I want it to be super-duper scholarly and impressive I might need to spend a little bit of time of it.
That said, I am really looking forward to all of the events listed above. The Superpages thing, which one would think would be the most planned-out decision on the list [because it’s the most dreaded and avoided], is actually quite spur of the moment. But then again I have always made life-altering decisions that way. I will be obsessed for days about whether to buy blue drapes or brown drapes but I will tack up for buying the next thing I laid my eyes on with hardly a moment’s quibble. I ordered my new cellphone last week although I still have one without further consideration to my expenses and debts. Some might say that is tad impulsive. Yeah, I know they will be right [been through a lot of these].
But my life has changed so much over the last year. My focus has changed. I moved to a new apartment with friends thinking that I “needed” to live somewhere else. That I “needed” a cute new place with lots of character. I was going through an identity crises – who is this single ME? This “divorcee”? Who am I? As with most processes, I focused first on outwardly expressions. I felt compelled to move as a way to express all of the changes going on in my life at the time. I had an intense need to redefine. On my own terms. I needed to be out of the place I shared with my cousin for quite sometime, out of the campaign I used to love. Out of the neighborhood, of the “MX” team. I would have even moved out of the city if an opportunity came [Baguio?].
Things change.
I was making a lot more money than I am now and I had an ex who’s pissing me now. I’m in a new home in the middle of everything. Location. Location. Location. Friends.
Things change.
I might be in a new set of people, befriending everyone, kissing everyone who wanted it… sometimes I feel so “new” and “OP” but that gave me my life back. My ex decided he no longer wanted to be “nice” and that oh so perfect-bait guy and that he did not really mind falling into the category of “deadbeat ex.”
And most importantly I changed. I realized now that I don’t really need to stick to some of my friends just to be hurt. That friends really go and go against you. I realized, I don’t need to be that martyr just to be happy. And I will be much less stressed out if I can save at least every month in living expenses.
So here I go, downsizing my outward life in an attempt to create more inward harmony.
It feels good to let go of material things. There is real power in the act of surrender.
Things change-D.

> PMS

Hurting All Over
Oh God.
I can feel it starting.
I wrote about him before. Through my “snoring” post. That Mr. Dubai thing.
The whole please-strike-me-dead feeling, which makes me think that dealing with the onset of PMS *[Post Mr. Dubai Syndrome], with the depression and wild mood swings and whatnots, is a walk in the park compared to all these office craps that I go through everyday. I mean, on a good month, all I feel is being safe, happy and away from too-pressuring- work and that bitchy whore sa office. But this? This makes me feel like I’m going through heroin withdrawal.
And to make matters worse, punyeta sa lamig ang office namin *[sirang thermostat? o balat kalabaw talaga ang mga tao?].
I can feel in my bones that I’m going to wind up one of those old broads who has arthritis one day. And I’m feeling so fucking cold that I can’t seem to stop shaking — which just makes me seem jittery and high.
Okay.
Think about something else.
Um… I’m sneak-reading “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey sa net sa office. God. I’ve never done drugs, but I get what he’s going through. Lucky me. I get to go through this every night at work without having to abuse drugs or alcohol. My work just do this to me… and it makes me feel intensely sorry for myself.
And earlier, someone made abot this “Donate Your Kidney” fliers. Whaaattt? Early morn, tired from work, naglalakad sa Ortigas — eto matatanggap kong invitation? Man, I need a fuck! *[pun may be intended]